I Don't Want to Be That Woman

 That woman.  You've met her.  Maybe she's a relative, a neighbor, or a friend.  You definitely know her.  She's a kind and caring person. She's generous, so generous in fact that she is always trying to give you stuff.  And the stuff...well, it's just old crap that she doesn't want.  She doesn't want to throw it out, because it's still "perfectly good."  

Every time you see her there's another treasure on offer.  It's annoying but you feel shitty being annoyed because she's being nice.  

A couple of years ago, I left a position that I had been in for 11 years.  In my office I had loads of bits and bobs that I had amassed over the years.  Some of the stuff, despite its age, was used on the regular.  As I walked my replacement around the office, I showed her my hoard.  "I could leave this," I'd said, "it's great for [insert instructional activity]."  As I spoke, I could see her start to get fidgety and uncomfortable. I realized, suddenly, that I was that woman.  Here she was in her new job, looking forward to setting up her office with cute matching accessories and there's this old [in her mind] chick trying to muck it up with all her old crap.

I knew the look because I am usually the one with that look on my face.  I get that look every time we see my mother-in-law.  She is a very practical person and she always wants to try and pass on items that are still good.  The problem with her is that, in the beginning, she wasn't actually giving you the item.  She would always say, "you are welcome to have this but, if you don't want it any more, I want it back."  This is a trap and my husband and I were not about to fall for it. He was smart enough to say, "no, you're either giving it to us or you're not."  We certainly didn't want to be on the hook for returning an old worn out sofa 5 years later and then to hear the complaints about how we didn't take care of it.  No thanks.

Any event with my mother in law will always involve some offer of stuff. It could be anything from a tupperware container of cooking oil (as a single person, she isn't able to use it up before it expires.  Cooking oil expires? I think we have a 5 year old bottle that we still use) to 100 feet of hose.  Her most recent offer was her china cabinet.  She somehow missed the memo that the era of big bulky pieces of furniture has ended.  Although I suppose I missed the memo about the fact that no one sends memos anymore. What she doesn't realize is that, while she is preparing to downsize, so am I.  I could retire in less than 10 years and I don't intend to stay in our house with its expensive maintenance and huge yard.  The last thing I need is a big heavy piece of furniture that I would have to move.  And the donation places don't want big china cabinets.  They don't have room for them and younger people don't want them.

So I am trying like crazy to resist the urge to run to the neighbors and offer them my crap.  I post it online and if they want it, I am happy to give it to them for free.  That way, they don't have to hide in their houses avoiding me and my precious crap.